Anxiety Overload
As a private practice therapist in the Silicon Valley, I am an entrepreneur business owner who has a TON of things that all feel like priorities (that nothing feels like a priority).
I am also a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) who often gets overwhelmed and doesn’t do well under pressure. The very executive functioning skills I need the most shut down when I’m stressed. Sometimes I wish there was an extra hour to each day, but most likely that extra hour will get filled quickly that it’s as if I never had it.
A lot of people I work with tend to feel flooded by tasks they feel are super important and NEED to get taken care of right away. When the to-do list gets longer, it becomes even more difficult to make good decisions and even easier to bury their head in the sand. (Did it go away yet?)
Some may end up binging on Netflix or snacking in order to de-stress, not realizing that it doesn’t help at all with getting things off their plate. (Sound familiar?)
The Triage Chart (A.K.A. The Eisenhower Matrix, but that’s a mouthful) can help you decompress your mind, so that with the extra headspace you can narrow your focus to what matters most now and give it your all ‘til it’s really done!
(Afterwards, you’ll find out that the task that felt like a monster is actually a mosquito.)
What is Triage?
Triage comes from the French word “trier” meaning to sort. It is a term often used in the Emergency Room where the Head Nurse will survey all the patients, identify who has the most critical or urgent condition, and then go through a sorting process that will determine who will be seen in what order. The Nurse’s main objective is to keep as many people alive and healthy as possible. Triage is the way to make that happen.
For example, say that there’s a patient with a dislocated shoulder. Is it an urgent matter? Yes. Are they in pain? Most definitely. Though his condition is indeed important, he would not be seen first if someone else rolled in on the gurney with a gunshot wound.
Would he feel more distress knowing that he has to wait even longer? Yes. But he can afford to wait, whereas the gunshot patient can’t.
How do you keep the most people alive and well? By prioritizing those whose conditions are BOTH super important AND super urgent, NOT based on the order in which they came in. First-come isn’t first-served.
So must we treat all the balls we’re juggling. Some balls will drop (and that does suck), but are the balls you drop made out of rubber or glass? Some things you just can’t afford to fall to the floor. Others can bounce back or be picked up later.
Declutter Your Brain
If you’d like a handout with these instructions, download it here:
On a sheet of paper, make a list of ALL the things weighing on you without analyzing (we’ll get to that later) and without judging (this ain’t helpful).
What’s on your mind?
What is stressing you out?
What needs to get done?
What feels like it’s on fire?
Keep writing until there’s nothing else to write.
After you make a long list of 10+ things, draw two lines down the page next to it, creating two columns - one labeled IMPORTANT and the other URGENT. On a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being low, 5 being high), rate how important and how urgent you feel each item is.
For example, you have a big work project that’s due in two days, making it a very important and urgent task. Therefore you would rank it a 5 for both important and urgent.
You also have bills that need to be paid, but you still have a couple weeks to make the payment. Paying your bills is a pretty important task so you could rank it a 4, but since you have some time to make the payment, the urgency ranking could be at a 3.
The argument you had with your spouse earlier this morning was over something silly, like forgetting to take out the trash. This isn’t necessarily detrimental to your relationship, so the importance can be ranked pretty low (1-2), but since it is something that you are bothered by you might rank the urgency of clearing the air a little higher (3).
Triage Chart
After you complete ranking each item on your list, you can utilize the triage chart in determining where in the box each item should go and once placed in the box, what you should do.
BOX A: IMPORTANT & URGENT (BOTH 4-5)
Do ONLY these tasks NOW. Ignore everything else.
Note: Only add 3-5 items MAX. If your list has already reached its capacity, you will need to figure out where else to put the rest of those items. Most likely they will go into Box B (important, but less urgent than others).
BOX B: IMPORTANT (4-5), not URGENT (1-3)
These tasks are important but have a little more wiggle room. You can afford to put them off for some time without it being a big deal. When Box A is empty, replenish it with 2-3 tasks from Box B.
BOX C: URGENT (4-5), Not IMPORTANT (1-3)
This one can be a bit tricky. Sometimes you may feel something is worth attention and energy only to find out that it was merely the sense of urgency that made you panic. There may be some cases where you are absorbing other people’s responsibilities or taking on tasks because others have anxiety over them and are expecting/demanding that you do something about it.
For example, you might have a family member that is insistent on doing something right away, and upon asking “Why?”, they can’t give a better answer than “we just have to do it now.”
Establishing boundaries will be super important: Their drama is not your problem nor your responsibility. Don’t do their work for them unless you really don’t have anything else to do AND you feel open to doing it without getting resentful later.
If you aren’t really sure WHY you’re supposed to do something now, ask yourself, “This is urgent for whom?”
Eliminate any items that were given a rating of 1-2, since they just don’t deserve your attention and energy.
BOX D: NEITHER IMPORTANT NOR URGENT (Both 1-3)
Simply eliminate the tasks on this list and move on. Don’t waste any more energy on them.
Sort Out, Then Do!
After going through this process, you will be able to see the main things in which you need to focus on. Some items have been completely taken off the list, whereas it’s clearer where you need to direct your precious time and energy.
When you’re feeling too overwhelmed and your body feels like it’s shutting down when it needs to be productive, don’t keep everything in your head. That’s like trying to open the door while carrying 3-4 bags of groceries. Put some down, then open the door, drop off what you’re carrying, then go back and get the rest.
If you’d like a handout with these charts, download it here:
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© Copyright 2021 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA, who loves helping people create emotionally thriving relationships. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
(4) adult survivors of emotional abuse and neglect
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
The three Enneagram instincts (Self-Preservation, Social, and Sexual) instincts show up in the way we engage our lives and creative endeavors. Check out this conversation with Rim from The Empowered Sensitive and Creative Podcast!