Every year, I'm digitally offgrid for 5 days, centering myself in the luscious gardens at Vallombrosa Center in Menlo Park with my Enneagram teachers Beatrice Chestnut & Uranio Paes. My teachers started the Chestnut Paes Enneagram Academy and offer these retreats, some of which make up their Professional Certification Track & Personal Mastery Track.
These retreats became the milestone markers of how I've healed and grown over time, as I vividly remember what I was working through each of those moments.
Here’s are some of what I worked on at these retreats:
Recognizing my Enneagram 4 SP autopilot habits of:
Getting sucked into melancholy
Monologuing about past hurts (much like a broken record)
How I create my own suffering
Push/pull dynamics in relationships
Connecting with my physical body
Tapping into & releasing pent up rage that's actually my ally
Connecting with the flow of life, rather than trying to control everything
Since starting my Enneagram journey, my life did a total 180. I barely recognize myself from when I was younger, and now have dimples to prove it!
This is a snapshot of how I used to be:
"I AM how I feel."
The "good, easy kid"
Emotionally shut down, trying not to be a burden
Closeted queer kid who grew up in the church
MAJORLY repressed in all the ways
Withdrawn, disconnected from myself & others
Queen of RBF (Resting Bitch Face)
An intensity, drama, and complexity junky
Way too familiar with anxiety, guilt, shame (partly bc I was allergic to anger)
Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, shame
Suffering silently & solo
...and how I am nowadays:
"I have feelings, but I'm more than my feelings."
Anger is one of many feelings that tell me what I need or want
Open, flexible, light & easy
Guilt-free rest & play as part of my normal rhythm
Open heart to receive whatever life has in store for me that day
Nurturing and pursuing my desires (rather than swinging between repression & resentment)
Mutually nourishing relationships
Having the time of my life
If you're wanting to supercharge your own inner work journey (I'm specifically looking at all y'all who tend to hoard heady knowledge about personal development without actually taking action), I HIGHLY recommend CP Enneagram's personal retreats.
What are your Enneagram type's emotional habits?
Grab this free guide that shows you how to grow beyond the patterns that keep you stuck!
Don't know your Enneagram type?
Find yours here!
© Copyright 2023 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
The three Enneagram instincts (Self-Preservation, Social, and Sexual) instincts show up in the way we engage our lives and creative endeavors. Check out this conversation with Rim from The Empowered Sensitive and Creative Podcast!