Did you know that I am born and bred in Berkeley? Did you know that Berkeley happens to be a historical significant spot for the Enneagram?
The Enneagram has been around for thousands of years, passed down as an oral tradition. Because of the power of the Enneagram to reveal people's innermost patterns, wise teachers wanted for this system to only be shared with those who had the emotional, psychological, and spiritual maturity to wield its wisdoms well.
Alas, Berkeley students did as Berkeley students do, in defying their teachers' instructions to NOT write down anything about the Enneagram...by writing down things about the Enneagram.
The Enneagram as we know it today is what's exploded since it's been put to paper from the 1970s and on. It's come and gone in popular waves a number of times since then, and I believe that we're in the middle of yet another one.
When some individuals, friend groups, church circles learned about this compact yet comprehensive system, they took the ball and ran with it HARD, leading to the dissemination of the Enneagram across the world. (Yes, the old teachers are turning in their graves.)
I have a love/hate relationship with the fact that the Enneagram is picking up in popularity especially through social media.
I LOVE that more people have heard about it and thus are open to learning more about it.
I HATE that the information that's being passed around is the exact OPPOSITE of what the Enneagram was meant for.
How NOT to Use the Enneagram
Here are some ways the Enneagram is NOT meant to be used. If you have done any of these, no shame (I've done them too!) - but I implore you to do an about face and run the other direction.
Type Other People
"Obviously, this person is a Type ____ because XYZ."
The Enneagram is meant to be an inside-out system. It's meant to be used as a thorough/deep process of self-discovery, NOT as a way to pigeonhole people (read more below).
Part of the reason why online Enneagram tests often aren't as reliable (and why so many people have dismissed the Enneagram as a flaky system) is because of poor typing. Compared to other personality frameworks like the Myers-Briggs or StrengthsFinder (which tells us WHAT people do), the Enneagram tells us the behind-the-scenes motivations (core fears, needs, and wounds) - namely the WHY we do what we do.
But think about it...how many people are ACTUALLY AWARE of their own subconscious? Self-reporting tests are answered according to the person's own level of self-awareness (which btw - some types are notorious for not really knowing themselves or their inner world).
Furthermore - partially because Berkeley students didn't really know the full system they released into the world - there is a thing called SUBTYPE. More to come on this later, but in a nutshell, there are 9 Enneagram types and 3 instincts (one of which is dominant).
9 Enneagram types x 3 options for dominant instincts = 27 subtypes.
One subtype per type is called the COUNTERTYPE (namely the version of type that doesn't look how they're often portrayed). Countertypes are lookalikes to other Enneagram types; hence they're the ones who have the most difficulty finding their type, partially because they've been mistyped by someone else.
I happen to be a countertype - though I am a Type 4 on the inside, on the outside I look like everything but. As a Self-preservation 4, I can often lookalike all the other eight types (but ironically not Type 8).
It's alright for you to make an educated guess about another person's type, but at the end of the day, that individual is the final arbiter of what they do or don't resonate with. They also might need some time to really sit with and process that.
Check your own motivations in wanting to be so certain about their type (your own Enneagram autopilot patterns are still on!!). Be open, be humble, be curious. Don't let your own ego get in the way of another person's precious journey. (Especially those who are Type 1s or 2s!)
If you're not sure about your own Enneagram type, or if a loved one wants to know theirs (don't force them!!), this blog gives some DIY steps.
Defend Your Own Defense Mechanisms
"This is my type. Therefore, this is just who I am.
Therefore, just accept me as I am and don't tell me what to do."
Don't shrug your own responsibility to grow with a cop-out answer like this.
Unconditional acceptance is a very important experience for us to have. However, it's a different story if we've accepted ourselves as being someone or something we're not.
Our Enneagram types tell us our COPING STRATEGIES, not WHO WE ARE.
In the same way we HAVE an arm but are NOT our arm, we HAVE an autopilot Enneagram type but are NOT our autopilot.
There are so many more wonderful things to you than your coping! Discover who you really are BEYOND your type, THEN learn to unconditionally accept yourself.
Defend Other People's Defense Mechanisms
"This is their type. Therefore, this is just who they are. Therefore, I just need to accept them as they are and let them be."
This is a tricky one. You can have unconditional acceptance of someone WITHOUT putting up with their bullshit (especially if they're dumping their stuff onto you). Don't just let them off the hook (that *might* be a part of your own autopilot!).
You do NOT need to tolerate mistreatment from someone else just because that's what they're used to. You might not be in a position to give them feedback, but you don't need to wait for them to heal and grow before you do.
Eyes on your own lane. How is your own autopilot interacting with theirs? Some Enneagram types/subtypes (*cough* Type 1s, Type 2s, Type 3s, Self-Preservation 4s, Social 7s, etc.) have a habit of taking on OTHER peoples' responsibilities. If this is you, it's super important that you SPIT THAT SHIT OUT, nurture yourself, and get your own needs met.
Put Yourself and/or Others in a Box
"This is my type. Therefore, this is the kinda life, job, or relationships that I'm compatible with."
Don't sell yourself short by thinking that ONE part of you is ALL of you. Also, give yourself more credit that you are someone who can GROW.
Here's a question that comes up all too often: "Which Enneagram type am I romantically compatible with?"
I've written my answer here.
Life Beyond Your Type
The Enneagram is an invitation for you to grow first and foremost from the inside out. Become familiar with your own autopilot's workings so that you can eventually catch it in action and pivot in a better direction. 'Tis a very noble journey you are embarking - this is def not for the faint of heart.
I'm cheering for you wherever you are, no matter your type! Let your type be the starting point of a hard yet beautiful journey towards freedom.
What are your Enneagram type's emotional habits?
Grab this free guide that shows you how to grow beyond the patterns that keep you stuck!
Don't know your Enneagram type?
Find yours here!
© Copyright 2023 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
The three Enneagram instincts (Self-Preservation, Social, and Sexual) instincts show up in the way we engage our lives and creative endeavors. Check out this conversation with Rim from The Empowered Sensitive and Creative Podcast!