Create Your Safe Haven

Hanging on the wall of my best friend’s office is this sign that reads:

Sanctuary:

your safe and peaceful haven.
a comforting place of refuge and rest in a noisy, chaotic world.

Ever since I learned that I’m a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I realized just how much my external environment impacts my inner world, and vice versa.

Home for this HSP

Having learned this, I started recalibrating how my physical space is both at home and at work.

Here’s what I did for myself:

• I got plants, which taught me valuable lessons

• I gave myself permission to toss out itchy clothes

• I replaced all the lighting in my home with soft, warm light

• I bought a TON of plushy blankets and cushions

• I got fuzzy slippers and warm layers

• I got rid of anything looks visually jarring (busy patterns, annoying colors, clutter)

• I often wear earplugs or noise cancelling earphones when unwinding or focusing on a task

Moreover, I chose a home specifically considering what impact it might have on my HSP body. Even if it cost more, I gave more weight to things like natural lighting, tons of greenery, access to water, and lots of quiet.

(Imagine how many therapy sessions I saved myself because my body regularly gets to rest and relax! All in all, a net GAIN.)

Within my home, here is a nook I created for myself, my own sanctuary.

Inside matches Outside

One morning, I bust out my watercolors and joined in the Draw Your Feelings workshop that my friend Rukmini (@rockinruksi) offers. The prompt for that morning was: “Mapping Your Heart”.

This is what came out during that time.

In the past several years, I’ve done a lot of personal work in considering myself as being JUST AS WORTHY as others - no more, no less (think equanimity: “equal life” or “equal soul”).

A lot of this inner work was possible because I also recalibrated my external environment.

Your Safe Haven

I define TRAUMA to be any experience that stirs up strong feelings of being unsafe, ashamed, or out of control.

In turn, I define HEALING to be any experience that provides the opposite - that gives you the sense of being safe, worthy, or in self-control.

• When it comes to your physical environment (home and work), what do you notice?

• What is its impact on your mind? your emotions? your nervous system?

Not everyone has the opportunity and freedom to do a complete overhaul of their personal space, but there is still a lot of adjustments that might be feasible.

Specifically consider the five senses: sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch:

1. How can you reduce, dampen, or eliminate some things that BOTHER you?

2. How can you bring more of what REJUVENATES you?

Take one small action to help your body soothe a bit more this week.

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© Copyright 2022 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.

JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT

Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.

Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)

The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:

“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”

“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”