COMPASS, not DESTINATION.
If you set a New Year's Resolution, chances are that you broke it by now, NOT because you're a failure, but because resolutions are outcomes-oriented and motivation-driven. You set a goal and have a burst of motivation in the beginning of the year to pursue it for a few days, a few weeks, MAYBE a few months.
But once that motivation dies out (or life throws a million things at you and you get overwhelmed), you've got no juice left to continue the race. Then you feel like a failure and give up altogether, 'cause "What's the point of trying? I'm going to mess up anyway."
Perhaps a New Year's INTENTION would be a better arrangement. Instead of a NY RESOLUTION, which is like trying to get from Point A to Point B and either succeeding or failing (you've reached your goal or you haven't), a New Year INTENTION is like using a COMPASS to move in a general direction. Instead of trying to achieve a certain outcome (e.g., “I will lose 50 lbs by next year”), what if you were to move towards, "I want to take good care of my body"?
Even if you "mess up" and get "lost", not knowing where you even are on the map, you've still got a compass to help you reorient yourself, point to your True North, and identify your next best steps.
Halfway through the year is not too late to set an intention, because time just keeps flowing anyway. Midyear is neither inherently better or worse than the beginning (or end): dates are arbitrarily set anyway. So how about you set an intention TODAY?
Some Questions to Guide Your New Year’s Intentions:
What kind of person do you want to become? Ex: I want to be someone who cares about justice. I want to be kinder on myself. I want to be a reader.
What character traits would you like to grow in? Ex: kindness, perseverance, patience, creativity, spontaneity.
What MATTERS to you that you’d like to intentionally care for? Ex: your relationships, your physical body, your emotional health, the local school system.
After you set your New Year’s intention, THEN find out what kinds of low-key, realistic baby steps you can take NOW that would help you move an inch in that direction. (The book, 'Atomic Habits' is a stellar resource!)
Can you find one small way to support someone in need right now?
How can you become a tiny bit kinder on yourself today?
Can you read a 2 minute blog during your lunch break?
When you take baby steps in a specific direction many (if not most (if not all)) days, you'll be much further along before you even know it.
COMPASS, not DESTINATION. What's your New Year's Intention?
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© Copyright 2021 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Therapist in San Jose, CA, who loves helping people create emotionally thriving relationships. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
(4) adult survivors of emotional abuse and neglect
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
Does this resonate?
Proudly helping women, healers, pastors, caregivers, and Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) who are EXHAUSTED by anxiety, guilt, shame, and an allergic reaction with anger create VIBRANT relationships where THEY MATTER, TOO!
Enneagram, EMDR, and Brainspotting Therapy in the Silicon Valley (Santa Clara County - San Jose, Los Gatos, Campbell, Cupertino, Saratoga, Santa Clara, Sunnyvale, Los Altos, Milpitas) and the San Francisco Bay Area. Offering telehealth video sessions in California.
The three Enneagram instincts (Self-Preservation, Social, and Sexual) instincts show up in the way we engage our lives and creative endeavors. Check out this conversation with Rim from The Empowered Sensitive and Creative Podcast!