My therapist colleague Melinda Olsen (Inviterra Counseling) and I are writing several blog series about the Enneagram, a comprehensive yet compact personality framework that reveals our reactive, “autopilot” patterns of thinking, feeling, doing, and relating.
In this series, someone from each Enneagram Type (Types One through Nine) will be sharing about their own journey of discovering and using the Enneagram for deep healing and personal growth.
In this post, fellow therapist, Jonathan Siu (husband of Lorren, Type 9) shares what it’s like to be a Type Six.
Here are the other posts in this series that are published so far:
Type 1 - Josh Chan
Type 2 - Melinda Olsen, LMFT
Type 3 - Morgan Hancock
Type 4 - Joanne Kim, LMFT
Type 5 - Alyssa Harris
Type 7 - Stefie Dominguez
Type 8 - Marianna Torres
Type 9 - Lorren Siu, LMFT
What does it mean to be an Enneagram Type Six?
Skilled at Preparation, Readiness in the Face of Things that Might Go Wrong
My biggest fear is being unprepared when something goes wrong. There is risk in everything. I can take any scenario and list the risks involved. I can also tell you the good things that are possible, but there are so many things that can go wrong and circumstances can always take a different direction. At home, I ask a lot of “what if’s”. What if we overspend this month? What if someone breaks into the house or it gets burned down? What if our pets get sick or injured?
But I don’t just ask the “what if’s”, I also take a lot of precautions. To help with money management, we use a budgeting app that tells us when we overspend, so we know to spend less the following month. I always triple-check that the doors are locked, the burners on the stove are off, and that the oven is not on. My wife says that I am crazy sometimes. But, on a rare occasion, I catch a door left unlocked, which is exactly why I check all the time. We still haven’t found a solution for pet injuries yet, but we just pray to God that they are safe and don’t get into trouble.
Good Troubleshooters
Not only do I assess the risk, but I also try to figure out what went wrong. I work as a data analyst, and the slightest difference—such as an extra comma—can take an extra afternoon to fix. At home, I spent hours watching Youtube videos trying to figure out how to repair the garage door just to make sure I didn't waste money hiring a repair person.
Don’t get me wrong, it also frustrates me when I don’t get the solution immediately. But, I try to use it as an opportunity to take a step back to breathe, think about the problem more on a macro level, and then come up with a plan for debugging. As my boss says, “There is a logical explanation to everything. We just don’t have the answer yet.” The way I see it, without taking the time to troubleshoot the situations, we will always be stuck in the same situations without a way to move forward.
Protective and Supportive of the Team
I am often the glue of my team. I love to engage in communication one-on-one or in small groups so that I can really get to know people. My teammates were surprised at first with how many details I remember about things that are going on in their lives, but now they have come to know that’s just how I show that I care.
I am protective of my team and anything that may happen to it. If anything goes wrong, I make sure to take the lead and pick up the broken pieces. Because I know my team so well, I know what my team members may be needing and do my best to fill in those gaps. On the flip side, when my team is thriving, I feel broken. I feel that there isn’t a place for me in the team anymore. Similarly, I am very protective of those who I call family and I bend over backward when they have any kind of need. Even if they do not ask for help, I like to find ways to be of support. For example, when my sister was not feeling well, I offered to cook dinner and clean her house for an evening.
When did you first learn you were Enneagram Type Six?
I found out about the enneagram about 2 years ago. My now-wife was learning about it and typed me as a five at first. A few months after that, we took the enneagram test for pre-marital counseling. It turned out I am a six with a strong five wing. When I found out about my number, my mindset on life suddenly made sense. The reason I am so pessimistic in life is just because I feel insecure and wish to find security.
What do you wish people knew about Enneagram Type Six?
I think many people view sixes as being too cautious or Debbie-downers. They have their point sometimes, but taking a step back to assess the situation is very important to me because it is how I make sure that I am protected. It’s not that I am trying not to have a good time, but it’s a lot easier for me to enjoy myself when I feel like I have my bases covered and am prepared for what might go wrong.
I think making lists is also something about sixes that gets misunderstood. When I am stressed, I also make a lot of to-do lists. However, the lists only temporarily relieve my cognitive load; they don't solve the issue. Things can go wrong, and I need to know what can go wrong. The lists help me think through the issues logically, helping me feel ready for all possibilities.
Lastly, it is hard for me when people get annoyed or frustrated when I take longer to explain my idea or when I may talk in a roundabout way. When this happens I shut down and retreat because I feel that my ideas are not welcomed. I need to know that my thought process is understood, even if it is not the same as yours.
One thing you’re working on to grow beyond your type.
I can definitely be too cautious. My wife has helped me step out of my comfort zone in trying things that I deemed too dangerous. I’ve gone ziplining (the wooden platforms are janky), hiking (you can fall off of a cliff), learned how to drive (as our former pastor said, cars are just metal death traps.) While understanding the risks, and sometimes even hyperbolizing them, I am growing into becoming more okay with adventures. The world is a scary place, but instead of being paralyzed, I am understanding that I have been limiting myself.
What are your Enneagram type's emotional habits?
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© Copyright 2021 Joanne B. Kim. All rights reserved.
JOANNE B. KIM, LMFT
Joanne is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Brainspotting Practitioner in San Jose, CA, who loves helping people create emotionally thriving relationships. She helps people EXHAUSTED by anxiety, shame, and an allergic reaction to anger create VIBRANT relationships where they matter, too.
Many of her clients are:
(1) the highly responsible, conscientious, and empathic types
(2) Enneagram Type Ones, Twos, Fours, or Nines
(3) Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs)
(4) adult survivors of emotional abuse and neglect
The most common words spoken by those who’ve sat with Joanne:
“I thought it was just me. I’m NOT crazy!”
“I can finally figure out what to do with all these feelings!”
The three Enneagram instincts (Self-Preservation, Social, and Sexual) instincts show up in the way we engage our lives and creative endeavors. Check out this conversation with Rim from The Empowered Sensitive and Creative Podcast!