Your stomach or chest tenses up when you think about saying things that might make someone upset. It’s scary to even voice what you’re wanting or needing because you might get rejected, criticized, or dismissed. You go along with what others expect of you, believing that your needs don’t really matter.
You had many relationships where you felt like or were even told that you were too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too selfish, or too “high maintenance.” Nevertheless, though these relationships are so painful, the thought of being alone is even more terrifying.
There is a war waging within you between different parts: a part who is desperate for love, a part who tries to numb out the feelings of anxiety, guilt, sadness, loneliness, and shame, and a part who judges the others for wanting “too much” and for spinning into reactive patterns.
You wonder, “Why is it so hard to find someone to just love me? There must be something wrong with me.” No matter how hard you try to be what others want - caring, attentive, and self-less - it never seems enough to help you feel wanted.
What if you could be deeply known and loved for who you are, not for what you do for others?
What if your relationships were with people who see you as worthy of love, with whom you feel safe and seen, who reciprocate your affections and tune into you as much as you tune into them?
What if you weren’t terrified of rejection but were bold to ask for what you wanted or needed, knowing that you matter?
What if you were so secure in your lovability and worth that you were able to enjoy times of solitude?
Do you want that?
What is Therapy?
Therapy is a safe space where you explore your relationship patterns, discover what's helping and hurting, and experiment with new ways of living and relating.
In this journey, you are the driver, with your hands on the steering wheel and your foot on the gas and brake pedals. As the therapist, I am in the passenger seat, pointing out what to pay attention to, what helps you reach your destination, and what helps make the journey more enjoyable and less stressful.
Although I am the guide, you are still the driver. We move towards your goals, at your pace, with your style.
Areas of Focus: Difficult Emotions & Painful Relationships
Difficult Emotions: anxiety, guilt, shame, sadness, loneliness, anger (rage, resentment)
Complex Trauma (hurt by loved ones)
Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual)
Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)
Enneagram 1s (perfectionists), 2s (givers), 4s (individualists), & 9s (peacemakers)
Burnout, Compassion Fatigue
Difficult Relationships (family, significant others, communities)
Dating, Marriage, Sexuality
Family Members with Addiction
*Online therapy available for those in California.*
Our early life experiences with significant figures heavily shaped our view of ourselves, others, and the world. We view life through this "lens" and make decisions to ensure safety and security in relationships. The best way to heal from relationship wounds is through relationships.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT):
Emotions are often sorely misunderstood or avoided. They can tell us what we need and draw us closer to loved ones. The more we ignore or dismiss our emotions, the more difficult it is to love and be loved. The more we become emotionally fluent, the more we can create thriving relationships.
Everyone has strengths and stuck points that persist throughout one’s life. Self-awareness and self-control are essential to healing our pain and growing out of unhealthy patterns. The Enneagram conveniently yet profoundly identifies these patterns so that we can work towards becoming whole in our authentic, unique ways.
I primarily work with Enneagram 1s (perfectionists), 2s (givers), 4s (individualists), and 9s (peacemakers), though others are welcome.
Brainspotting is a form of trauma treatment that directly accesses the emotional brain where trauma memories are stored, far out of reach of the thinking brain. (Have you done or said things in the heat of the moment that you later regret?) Brainspotting rapidly processes these experiences in far fewer sessions than traditional talk therapy.
EMDR also available.