The first and foremost instinct of humans is not sex nor aggression.
It is to seek contact and comforting connection.
— Sue Johnson, Love Sense
couples counseling therapy conflict san jose

You're tired of repeating the same fights over and over again, with both sides feeling alone, rejected, or insignificant.

You try to get through to your partner, who keeps tuning you out.

One small, "stupid" thing becomes this huge fight that ends with one of you leaving the house or ignoring texts for days.

It's easier to spend more time at work or taking care of the kids.

You're more roommates than lovers.

couples counseling therapy conflict san jose

Does this sound like the two of you? Many couples feel hurt when the very person who's supposed to love, comfort, and support them seems to criticize, ignore, or reject them.

As moments of disconnection build up, it becomes harder to trust and easier to attack or ignore the one you love.

But what if you can be like THIS again?

couples counseling therapy conflict san jose

Healthy couple relationships are built on three components:

  1. Accessibility: Can I reach you, even when I feel insecure?

  2. Responsiveness: Can I rely on you to respond to me emotionally?

  3. Engagement: Do I know you will value me and stay close?

When these are threatened, even small moments can stir up past hurts and pull couples apart. On the contrary, when these are strengthened, the couple draws closer together than ever before.

It all depends on your "dance."

Will you turn towards each other?
Or turn against/away from each other?

Whether your relationship is "hot" with conflict, "lukewarm" from busyness, or "cold" from apathy, you can revitalize and rebuild your relationship.


What IS couples therapy like?

In 75-minutes sessions, you and your partner will:

  • explore your communication and conflict patterns

  • address "hot button" topics

  • learn new skills to promote understanding

  • replace negative patterns with connecting moments

Since healthy relationships aren't built overnight, this journey will take an investment of time, energy, and resources. But imagine a future where you can find comfort, strength, and courage in each other.

What if your relationship thrives so that safety, passion, and hope become the norm?


Areas of Focus

 
  • Communication & Conflict

  • Intimacy (physical, emotional, sexual)

  • Intimacy after having children

  • Finances

  • In-law relations

  • Affair recovery

  • Addiction/codependency

  • LGBTQ-friendly


My Approach:

Attachment:

  • Our early life experiences with significant attachment figures heavily shaped our view of ourselves, others, the world, and God. We view life through this "lens" and make decisions to ensure safety and security in relationships.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT):

  • Emotions can draw us deeper into relationships. Emotions and relationships are intricately interconnected: the emotionally attuned we are, the more connected we become. The deeper our connections, the greater our sense of security.

Enneagram

  • Everyone has different areas of strength and stuckness that persist throughout one’s life, for better and for worse. Self-knowledge and self-awareness are essential to healing our deep pains, shifting our lifelong patterns, and growing into the fullness of who we can be. The Enneagram helps conveniently yet profoundly identify these patterns so that we can intentionally work towards becoming whole in our authentic, unique ways.

Brainspotting (BSP):

  • Brainspotting is a very intentional, focused form of trauma treatment and is a derivative of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing). As a brain-based trauma treatment, BSP directly accesses the limbic/emotional brain where trauma memories are stored, far out of reach of the cognitive/thinking brain that talk therapy is built on. Brainspotting identifies, unlocks, and processes these trauma memories and their neurophysiological expressions in a powerful and efficient manner.